Day 12

There are gestures that I have seen in real time, and then see again in recorded time, that I am compelled to re-perform. The woman sitting next to me who is massaging her hand, who then begins to do something with her thumb that looks like an informed application of pressure to specific pressure points. Does it mean that she is in pain, or that she feels stressed and the stress goes directly to her thumb? It is a simple gesture that happens at the bottom right corner of the frame, but causes an uneasy feeling. On Video A (22:10) I begin to massage my hand trying to feel where the pressure points are. My thumb is almost double jointed and bends back to form an L shape. I can't feel the relief because I am too preoccupied by how my gestures and my camera are making people feel. I will try again tomorrow.

My posture while walking has changed. I sink into the center of my lower back and let my center open. My facial expression has muted. I rarely avert my eyes. This is true when I am filming or not. I have observed a change in my basic demeanor on and off camera. There is a focus and what feels like a centeredness.